Sometimes, a woman has to go on a personal journey with out telling anyone. I didn't want advice or encouragement or sage counsel: I just wanted to check something out and follow a thread to see where it would lead.
What it lead to was an unexpected offer, actually. The thing is, I had applied for a J.O.B. in another state far away. I do this occasionally when I wonder---for the zillionth time--if my work will continue to financially sustain my hubby and I. While contemplating how to navigate a significant financial change in hubby's income, it seemed like a good time to check out all options. So Spirit, the Divine Sneak, set my eyes on a job at an out of state alternative educational program. The program had a spiritual intent (check!), and I liked what I saw (check!), so why not apply? I mean, this was a long shot because I've been self employed for over 30 years, doing my own thing. What institution/corporation would want to hire me? I put together a resume, and attached it to an email, and pressed SEND.
And then I basically forgot about it and got on with my life.
Yet... They replied to my email with another email saying they were interested in interviewing me. What? Ok, fine. We set up the phone date, and it was fun, and we all got along on the conference call, and I hung up thinking:"Huh, that wasn't so bad."
A second call followed a week later. After that, I thought: "Well That was fun too, and that is that. Move on down the road..."
Which I did, and again my poor short term memory served me well, as I forgot all about this and went about doing what I do.
Over the last 2 months, my faith in what I do and being sustained by it had increased a little bit everyday...new clients, new ideas, and a steady flow of income which paid the bills--even after the income adjustment. Ok then!
And then I received one more call from the head of the program, and it wasn't a social call. No, it was a job offer call. A J.O.B. in an institution. Pay was quite good. Moving expenses were offered. And then "When can you move out to join us?"
Long silence while I contemplated this rather surprising stand, staring at 2 diverging roads:
Yes: accept an offer for a paycheck every month, and a new way to serve. Also: Yes to serving someone else, and someone else's vision, and yes to being at the whims of that someone, as well as yes to moving to a place in the country far away from my beloved community and family. Then again..."Psst, Elke: Affordable living. No financial stress. Sounds good, right?"
The person on the other end of the line said "Hello?" and I regained consciousness, gazed at the fork in the road, took a deep breath, and said, "This is an incredible offer, thanks so much. But I'm going to have to say no."
Long silence. Then "Are you sure? I can give you a day or 2 to think about it."
"Thanks for that, and my answer is no."
We chatted for a few, and he was determined to change my mind, but there was this: It wasn't right for me. And that was that.
I felt a little light headed after hanging up. And of course I wondered what in the world I had just done.
This is what I did: I said "Yes!" to my longtime career and my faith in what I do. I said "Yes!" to new ideas. I said "Yes, thank you!" to my community.
I said "Yes!" to me.
When confronted with such a "good deal," it's not always an easy choice. And I am at peace with my choice. Both the NO part and especially the YES part.
Two roads diverged in a life and I, I chose the one most traveled by... My own path.
Blessing your path, Elke
PS: NEW! : Spiritual Wellness Group In Bellingham, the return of Intention and Healing Drum circles, and more fun stuff in the Activities section. Plus: more to come....