I’m reaching out to share a group hug with all the people who’ve been caring for a loved one for a long time. You know who you are: you’re doing everything you can to keep things together and running in life while making sure your loved one is safe, advocated for, receiving the best treatments, happy, not in pain, getting to appointments in time, and involved in life to the best of their abilities. In other words, you are wearing many hats and spinning many plates (see above picture), with no end of this balancing act in sight.
I know that you are probably: Burning candles at both ends (and maybe the middle too). Tired. Brave, or at least trying to be so. Compassionate. Angry at times. Sad at times. Stubbornly sticking with your loved one, no matter what. Thrilled with progress at times. Frustrated by the lack of support. On constant alert status. Bored and lonely. Full of love.
I reach out as one of you: I’ve been in the process of loving and occasionally caring for a hubby who’s had to deal with heart and brain issues for many years. There’s been some life threatening issues and some chronic—It’s a long term adventure. As well, my mother has dipped in and out of significant crises and chronic illnesses and I am “it” as the responsible one who will look after her.
I am also reaching out to others who have pals and relatives who are in the midst of caring, so that you might have some perspective about what it takes to be in this role: It takes a whole lot. It takes a lot of patience, energy, and emotional, physical and financial resources. Being a carer is life consuming, and yet…
Being a carer is also satisfying work: there is nothing like the amazing breakthroughs that can and do happen. The people we care for are totally worth the effort and we know it, so the thrill of small and large miracles cannot be underestimated.
So, as part of my group hug, may I also send you some tips I’ve learned on the journey:
Take time out: I know that caring is often a full time job—-maybe even a 24 hour job, but try your very best to find time for you. It might mean letting go to another caregiver for awhile, but find it and use it for….
Self care: Do what ever it takes to maintain balance. Put your feet up and sip tea and stare out a window or read something. Take a walk, or plan on daily exercise. Eat well. Meditate.
Allow others to support you: Important: First make sure that whatever is offered you is truly supportive of you. Then, say “yes, thank you” to….Massages. Running errands. Household chores. Fixing things. Keeping company with your loved one. Counseling and guidance. Listening ear. Food. Doing stuff you have no time to do, but needs to get done. Monetary support. Anything of a supportive, nurturing nature.
Rest. Take naps if you can.
Keep it all in perspective: No matter how bright a sprit you are, you’re also one human with limited energy and resources. You think you ought to be superhuman, and have all the answers as well as protecting your loved ones from all harm, but really, you are human. Period. Therefore you will make occasional mistakes. Yes you will.And so… Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ll make, the not-so-pretty feelings you’ll have. As well….
Find the gifts of this journey. Celebrate the miracles. They are there. Always be on the lookout for them.
Dear carer, your role is so very important to your loved one, but as well, the world. If I were Queen of the world (gonna have to work on that), I would make sure you all were totally supported in all ways. I am not queen (yet), but I hope you feel my love and support through the vibes and the words…
Blessings, Elke