She stared at me after I said the words: "Look, if you leave, there are NO replacements for you, none. We need all the brilliant lights we can beg to stay here. Stay. I'll support you the best I can."
Her stare was a familiar one: a little stunned, a lot of blank. I could see she was interested in what I had to say, but I could also see that it just might not make a difference. A few months later I found out: if my words made a difference, it was temporary, because she took her life anyway.
The word "brilliant" was often used when describing Robin Williams after his death. To that descriptor I would add 'sensitive," because I strongly feel that it was his sensitivity to the world that gave him the grand scope of his talent, as well as his empathy towards others, and as well possibly led him to his final act on the planet.
So here's my love letter to fellow sensitive souls: Being sensitive is both a blessing and a huge challenge, I know. On the one hand, your sensitivity can make life feel so rich, so colorful, and everything can be precious and inspiring. On the other hand, this place is hard, mean, and nasty at times. People are cruel, and that is not stopping anytime soon. And then there's this: How can you possibly stem the tide of sad and angry feelings from and for the world that can consume you like a tsunami consumes an entire village?
Yet there's that precious and inspiring thing, when people and whole villages show up to create change because sensitives are brilliant souls who inspire change.
Do you have the energy it takes to keep it up, the demands on your soul? Your answer is, probably not all the time. But maybe once in awhile you rise to the challenge, and that counts for good measure.
Sensitive soul, I'm asking you to stay and live for those moments when a word, a look, a creation, a solution, a dream, an idea, a prayer, a ritual, a blessing, or your presence alone can and does make a difference.
You didn't come here to be tortured...although it feels like hell sometimes. You are here to be here. Do what you can. Show up. Be loved and love. Ask for support when you need it. Take breaks too. Breathe. Be creative when you can. See life as a gift...which it is. Which you are.
By the way, I took a short break from writing this to entertain my mom and a new friend of hers. A woman about my age, she's gone through the mill: cult life, abuse, and now illness and disability. She beamed as she told her stories--she says she's a blessed woman. As I was filling up bags with food and goodies for her to enjoy, she accepted graciously. After loading them into my mom's car, she drew me into an embrace, and whispered: "I'm so glad I came here. And I'm so glad I stayed."
With love from a sensitive and blessed woman, Elke